Sunday Bloody Sunday
March 5, 2007This is what I call a lazy Sunday. Hour after hour of splendid nothingness. Of lying down, reading. Standing up and squinting at the sun. Of stretching. Patting the dog and letting myself be licked by the dog. Eating a chocolate bar while listening to a man yap about a blender on the Home TV Shopping Channel. Chatting with The Griffin. Going to town on a tricycle, the wind blowing my hair into a frenzy.
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We go out to buy some black tape for his drumsticks. The weather is unsurprisingly warm and there are a lot of people milling about, looking at street wares, looking at each other.
When we reach the hardware store, I stare at his profile, then at the curve of his back. There is nothing different about him today, unlike other days whe he is neither this nor anything. I imagine taking a photograph of him here, where everything is bustling and busy and he is looking on, as if transfixed on something. I like how still he is during these moments. It touches me; making me see how he is the same as everyone else and yet is not.
I like imagining him as the subject of future photographs that I will take. I see him in market places, in obscure restaurants, reading a book with his back turned to me. I want to believe he belongs to these kinds places; surroundings where I can fit gracefully in, too. Nothing that would involve too much pizzazz, too much proof of expectations. Not because I don’t believe that he will fit in. It’s because in my heart, I am afraid that he would be swallowed completely by the grandeur, by the effervescent newness of it all. In the end, I will live with the truth I have always known - he will be lost to me. The photographs,emptied, will bear witness to the places as they really are in daylight – random and sad. Bereft.
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